Why "Better" Beats "Best"

So, let’s talk about best.

The word has this mythical glow, doesn’t it? It’s got a shine to it, like a trophy sitting on a shelf, untouched, pristine. Best is the peak, the mountaintop, the one perfect outcome we’re all supposed to chase.

But here’s the thing about best—it’s a trap.

Because if best is the goal, then what happens if you don’t hit it? Where does that leave you? Best is binary. You either make it, or you don’t. And that’s a brutal game to play.

This obsession with best? It paralyzes us.

We don’t start things because we’re not “good enough” to do them perfectly. We hesitate, we procrastinate, we stay stuck, because what if we go for best and don’t make it? Or we throw everything we have into chasing best—only to feel gutted when reality doesn’t cooperate.

But what if there’s another way?

What if instead of best, we aimed for better?

Why "Better" Is the Move

Better is a path, not a peak.

It’s movement. It’s momentum. It’s one small step, and then another.

Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, the guys behind Designing Your Life, talk about this all the time. Life isn’t some one-shot prototype. It’s a series of iterations, adjustments, tweaks, refinements. We try something, we learn, we adapt. And then? We do it again.

That’s how things actually grow. That’s how we actually grow.

The Problem with "Best"

• It’s singular. There’s only one best. If you don’t hit it? Failure.
• It’s static. Best says, “I’ve arrived,” but what happens when the world shifts?
• It’s subjective. Most of the time, best is just somebody else’s measuring stick anyway.

The Beauty of "Better"

• It’s accessible. Anyone can take a step toward better. Right now.
• It’s dynamic. Better lets you keep moving, evolving, growing.
• It’s personal. You define what better means for you—not somebody else.

From "Bringing Your Best Self" to "Bringing Your Real Self"

Let’s talk about another best trap. This one?

“Bring your best self.”

It sounds good, right? Motivational. Inspiring. Except, for a lot of us, it just feels... exhausting.

Because if we’re always supposed to be our best, where does that leave us on the days when we’re tired, or messy, or figuring things out as we go?

Priya Parker, in The Art of Gathering, invites us to rethink this. What if instead of bringing your best self, you brought your real self?

Not the polished, perfected version. Not the one that has all the answers. The real you. The one that’s present. The one that’s open. The one that’s paying attention.

Why "Real" Wins Every Time

• It’s relatable. People connect with real more than perfect. Every time.
• It’s sustainable. Trying to be your “best self” 24/7? Exhausting.
• It’s adaptive. Your real self can evolve, shift, and grow. Your best self? Often feels like a straightjacket.

Coaching Toward "Better" and "Real"

As coaches, we see this all the time.

Clients who hesitate to act because they fear they won’t be best. Clients who are burned out from trying to be some impossible version of themselves.

So how do we help them shift?

Reframing "Best" in Goals

• Ask: “What does better look like for you right now?”
• Explore: Instead of “I need to be the best leader,” what if it’s “I want to communicate more clearly in meetings”?

Embracing the Real Self in Growth

• Ask: “What would it look like to bring your full self to this challenge?”
• Challenge: Drop the masks. Authenticity leads to breakthroughs that perfection never can.

Practical Tools for the Shift

• The Better Ladder – Picture growth as a ladder. Each rung? A small, attainable improvement. Ask: “What’s one step up the ladder you can take today?”
• The Real Self Journal – Have clients write about moments they felt most themselves. What changed? What felt different?
• Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection – Ask: “What’s one thing you’re proud of this week?” Reinforce the power of better.

The Takeaway

Best is a mirage. A shiny thing in the distance that never quite delivers.

Better is the path. Step by step. Day by day. A movement toward something real.

And when it comes to showing up—whether for your work, your relationships, or your own growth—forget the pressure to be your best self.

Instead, bring your real self.

Because growth doesn’t come from perfection.

It comes from showing up as you are and taking one step—one small, honest, human step—toward something better.

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